Wednesday, November 27, 2013


The first phrase I remember from Dolvett on the BL was: a New B.A.D which means:
NEW Beginning Attitude Drive!

So when I initially heard about his book, I downloaded the 'Sample' on my IPad. I have a passion for reading and writing and would know from the few pages of the 'sample' it would tell me if I should invest in the entire book.  And of course, Dolvett, delivered!

The thing that drew me in was the "realness" that Dolvett displayed.  When he gave us a brief overview of his early years and what caused him down the path to helping people achieve their best physical, mental, and emotional self, I was hooked.  Many trainers are only concerned about what the physical person looks like (on the outside) and never dealing with the primary reasons why persons are overweight (excluding medical issues). These things could be family history, emotional eating, background, and for some, the inability to just stop eating.  There are many varying, underlying factors regarding a persons inability to lose the weight and maintain a healthy lifestyle.

Mine would be to get over the emotional stressors in my life and not feeling guilty about putting myself first. As a mother we have a tendency to put everyone - friends, family, work, etc - ahead of our own personal well-being and we wind up paying for it over time.  It is time to start being selfish in the regard that we mentally make it okay to put ourselves first and achieve our overall healthy self. As Dolvett stated in the Introduction of "The 3-2-1-1 Diet", "you need to learn to never stop liking you."

Practice letting it go....this calls for honest self-examination.  You have to be honest with yourself about what the "TRUTH" is behind what has you (and I) in the place that we are in.  You have to let IT go!!!! Forgive yourself, the other person(s) involved, the divorce, loss of job, bad decisions, putting others first, whatever the IT is, forgive the negative and look for/at the positive. This is your time!

The first time I was 'introduced" to Dolvett was when I began listening to 99.7 and Bert would have his trainer on the radio offering fitness and nutritional advice.  I actually remember listening to Dolvett come on to share with us that he had auditioned for a fitness show (I thought at the time that it was the BL), which he didn't mention by name.  I can't remember if it was the same show in which he told us that he didn't get it but that he was looking at something else (which I thought the Extreme Weight Loss show was looking at him).  I know, my imagination.  Next thing we know, we hear he got a call for the initial audition, and voila ~ Biggest Loser Red Team is born.

You can sense the genuineness and passion that Dolvett has for what he does by sharing his story with us.  This touched me because I felt his pain and the pain of his siblings and was also greatly impressed that he had not allowed a potentially destructive situation to "shape" his future for the worse.  When I see his smile, there is so much warmth and compassion there.  You would never have suspected that he had endured some of the things that he openly shared with us.  He turned his negative experience into something very positive with a far-reaching effect on all those that he comes in touch with. One word: relatable.

So, what is the 'weight' that easily entangles you?  No, I do not mean your pounds on the scale.  What is holding you down or back from being the best you possible?  The only person that you are deceiving is yourself.

If you are serious about being able to enjoy your life and enjoy being you, I encourage you to start the journey to a better you.  Begin by really reading and studying Dolvett's "The 3-1-2-1 Diet."  I hate the word diet, but his plan is truly an effective and manageable way of life.  I have done this type of program before, but I fell off.  This is exactly what I need to get back on course.

Dolvett, thank you for being open and honest.  In the words of Shemar Moore from 'Diary of A Mad Black Woman': 'I can love you past your pain'.  You have done that with this book!

So let's get B.A.D. together.  RED TEAM!

Also Dolvett, can a sista get one of those shirts you wear on the show? Prefer red....

Monday, November 11, 2013


A fallacy, plain and simple, equals deception.

There are so many people walking around leading a life full of fallacies.  Many are unable to distinguish their reality from their "imagined reality." My mother used to tell me to "wake up and stop living in fantasy land."  She was not trying to stifle my creative side, but to get me to look at my life and situations as they really are (were) and not in the image that I was creating in my mind.

Don't get me wrong, I do not mean dreams.  Dreams are great if they are attainable goals.  Not the kind of dreams that are full of uncertainties and a waste of time and energy.  Fantasies are things that we make up in our minds over time and in some strange way, some begin to "live" their perceived fantasy out.  However, do you realize that the only person that you confuse or better yet fool, is yourself?  

Fallacies hold no real sustenance and add nothing to our lives.  Ask yourself "what is my reality?"  If your reality has things or people in it that add no real, lasting value to your lives, then "clean house."  Realize that change comes from within.  Fix what is broken and begin to live your real life.  

Is the fallacy that you lead actually someone else's reality?  There are so many "reality" shows on television right now that many people set themselves up to try and lead the very lives that they see played out on the screen. However, have you really looked at their reality?  What is that persons life like when the cameras are off?  Have you ever thought that maybe they would like to change 'their reality?'  

Reading has always been a passion and hobby of mine since childhood because it allows you to see yourself in that 'moment.'  Some books I probably should not have read at a young and impressionable age, however, I completely understand my mother's logic.  Sometimes I would get so wrapped up into what I was reading and seeing in my mind that I would interject the fantasy into my in the moment, real life.

I soon came to realize that while I was imagining my life being one way, I was not really living my "reality."  I looked at love a certain way (through rose colored glasses) instead of realizing that as much as love is wonderful, sometimes it comes with pain.  I believed that all men should automatically be romantically inclined, but the reality is that some just don't get it and it is a process.  Marriage to me was something that was forever and would make me complete, however the reality is that both people would have to commit fully to the work involved and you find completeness within yourself first.  Having someone to share your life with just adds to you/it.

Waking up and living my reality was hard at times when I was younger because I preferred it to end like some of the books I was reading.  But my reality has not been so horrible that I want to check completely out of it.  It has had it's ups and downs, pleasures and pain, love and loss, and so on.  But my reality is my reality and no one can live my reality better than I can.

So stop living someone else's your own.  Make your reality the best life for you.  

Don't be confused by the "one size fits all mentality"; it is so far from the truth.  What works for me may not work for you and what works for you may not work for me, but that is okay.  

My reality?  I would love to write professionally and touch peoples lives in some way (no matter how large or small). I love my family even though sometimes I wish I could trade some of them in for better models, but they are my family nonetheless.  I enjoy my career and the people that I work with/for.  I love to laugh and have a sense of humor that I should be paid for.  I love to work out but don't do it like I should.  Cooking is a source of stress relief for me and I am doing more of that now.  I still cry every day from the loss of my mother but I smile because I look forward to seeing her again.  I had a husband, that now in looking back, was not the better man for me.  I love myself and I am content with being single (but I am not opposed to love and marriage).  I have sister-friends that I would do anything for and know that when they say "I love you" and "I got you" they mean it.  I may not be as financially sound as I would like to be, but I am not lacking in my necessities of life.

Do you know someone that isn't living their reality?  Is that someone you?  It takes too much time trying to live someone else's reality.  I might as well use that time living, creating, and enjoying my own reality.

So...nice to meet you.

Monday, June 24, 2013

Business: Play Tennis Personal: Keep Quiet

2013 Wimbledon Championships....

My love for all things tennis comes from my Mother.  This was something that I grew up watching with her back in the days of John McEnroe.  He was one of the most "aggressive" (I say angry) players that I remember watching.  But he was good!  Tennis was good for me before we got the Williams' sister's.  Mom's favorite males were Nadal, Roddick, and Federer and she liked the Williams girls and Sharapova to name a few.  

Since losing her, watching tennis was too hard for me because that was her thing.  When a tennis match was on I would call and ask her if she was watching and I would hear her "talking/screaming" at them through the television...question answered..."YES" she was coach-watching the matches.  Federer was her guy and boy would he get it if he didn't listen to her direction.  Happy memories....

Today I am watching the championships with one of my daughters and while watching one of the female matches, I made a comment and my daughter said "you sound just like Grandma; she used to say the same thing." That made my heart smile :).

Now my rant about Serena and Maria.  I saw bits and pieces of the Pre-Wimbledon press conference between the two of them and I will say that based on what I saw Maria needs to learn what professionalism is.  She needs to learn when to "hold them and fold them."  Business is business and when you make personal comments about someone to hurt them and put them in a negative light with others, the light usually shines on your character and what you are really made of.  

To hear Maria say that Serena has so many positive things going on in her life and she needs to speak to those things but since she wants to get personal, she needs to speak on her relationship with a married man/father who recently left his wife.  Now in Serena's interview she never stated who she was speaking of, so to make the assumption Maria makes you look like an..... Are you looking to be offended?  That is the way it appears.  Why bring her relationship into the interview?  It makes you look bitter and draws peoples perception of you into a different direction.

The business at hand is let's play.  Don't bring such an ugly thing into this because while you were playing this morning, I did not want you to win (personally speaking).  However, I know this makes for what people consider "good entertainment" and from a business standpoint, you need to win so that Serena can "thank you" on the court personally!

Now onto morality, I would hope that Serena is not the reason why Patrick Mouratoglou and his wife are separated.  

I think that my Mom would agree with my take on what is going on right now.     Ladies be ladies and do what you tennis!  Represent women in sports better than this.  I appreciate the fact that Serena did not attack Maria during her press conference and mentioned that she did apologize to Maria PERSONALLY for her being asserted into her situation by this reporter.  Maria the better thing to have done is be gracious, accept her apology and if/when asked about the article, advise the press that you and Serena have already discussed the matter and have put it to harm no foul.

~I am my Mother's Daughter~

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Finding My Way Back.....

Today is Thursday, June 20th and I am on a journey to rediscovering the things that I used to love.  In life we face many trials, obstacles, and losses and those things sometimes rob us of the things that bring us so much joy.  Two years ago I lost my Mother who had become my best friend and confidant.  She was "my person" (stolen from Meredith Grey and Christina from Grey's Anatomy) and when she was diagnosed with Stage 4 Colon Cancer, our lives changed.  We were in this together.  Losing her was by far the one 'last' thing that sent me over the edge and I "checked out."  I stopped caring about myself and the things that make me happy.  My temper and patience were on a short fuse.  My emotions were all over the place.  I was seeing myself say and do things and would say "is that really me?"  Truly having an out of body experience and for the first time I could understand what people meant when they said this.

I stopped taking care of myself physically.  I truly didn't care about anything anymore.  When my children were younger, I loved to cook.  I loved to try new spices and create new dishes.  My lineage is filled with women and men that were chefs and bakers.  My maternal grandmother was a chef and so I guess it is a part of my DNA.  After my divorce and other challenges, cooking no longer was fun for me.  I had begun teaching my children to cook when they were mature enough to be in the kitchen and handling the stove and utensils appropriately.  My older daughter "my person", was now responsible for all the meals in our home.  

Within the last 7 years, I may have cooked 5 or 6 times.  The last time I cooked was when my nephew moved into his first apartment and he wanted me to make my famous baked spaghetti dish for him; which I gladly did for him with love.  My joy was not back in full measure, but I was more than happy to do that for him.

I have been preparing to cook since Monday and today I just got up and did it!  I made a spaghetti dish using Morning Star Crumbles, mushrooms, sweet peppers, garlic, diced tomatoes, and 100% whole wheat pasta.  It was awesome!!! My Ipad was plugged in and my Mellow playlist was going, kitchen cleaned, dishwater in the sink, and I felt like myself again.  I cooked and cleaned simultaneously, which is how a real cook does it ;).

I wanted to cry and I still do.  For me this is a huge step in loving myself and the things that make me feel inner joy.  

~Nothing will work if you don't~Maya Angelou